So what's holding you back?

I was talking to my oldest daughter today and just kind of working through some stuff and asking her to be in prayer about somethings, when we got on the subject of callings and desires. We, well I talked about what options I had for my life and some things that I was mulling over. I told her of a time when I went to a Women of Faith conference in Tampa, Fl. and how I knew then that I wanted to be one of those women who shared their journey and God's love and faithfulness. We talked about the ministry that her Daddy and I were in and really just beginning when he got sick, and we talked about the book I started writing a few years ago. I told her that my dream would be to write, and speak to people about God's love and grace. I want to tell the world about my Lord and that how through all the tough times, He was there. I want to tell others that at times I was angry and hurting so deep; He would gently clean my wounds, heal me, and love me all the way through my anger into His peace. I want to share Jesus because when I am able to teach others what I have learned about Him, in the deep dark places of my life, when I can share insights from His word,...I feel alive!

Then she asked the most profound question, "So, what exactly is holding you back?"

I answered with fear. It was sad but yet eye opening at the same time. For we were not given a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.

It is something to think about, so I ask you, "What exactly is holding you back?"

Airplane window point of view!

I was talking to my Pastor last week and he told me about how he had heard about the concept of a keyhole point of view. This idea is that God only gives you a portion of the entirety to view. Well, I just got back from a trip to Arkansas to visit my very sick Uncle. He is doing much better as last I heard, off the ventilator, Woo hoo! Thanks to those who prayed and keep on praying because he's not out of the woods yet! Well I went on the trip with the expectation in my spirit of God working in Lori, and you know what? He did!
After two months of what seemed like silence from my Daddy in heaven, He spoke, or well I guess I was finally listening. This is what happened:

As I boarded the plane in Houston I had such a sense of expectancy and excitement in my spirit and my physical body was now pretty functional and awake. The plane began to taxi and God spoke. "Your life is like this plane ride Lori," He said, "It starts out calm and comfortable, nothing really exciting happening here-taxiing." "Then comes the exciting part, where if you pretend you can imagine yourself in a race car speeding around the track with adrenalin flowing!" Woo hoo! Okay, God didn't say Woo hoo, but I did! Anyway, " The take off is so thrilling like the beginning of your journey with Me Lori." "What happens next," He pauses, "turbulence!" " It is rough! It may even seem to you Lori that the plane will tear apart or crash. This is like those tough times you go through where you don't think you will make it and that your destruction is coming" He continued, "The take off was necessary for the assent, which is difficult and sometimes the bottom just seems to drop out from under you! You may feel sick at this stage because it is still turbulent!" As we climbed higher, God added, "But then Lori look you are up high, above the world, looking down on circumstances. You are above them and climbing higher!" My Father continued, "As you climb in your walk with Me you get more accustomed to this Life. The live where there is nothing visible that is holding you up. There is no rational or understandable or explainable reason you should be standing, but you are!" "Lori, you are not destroyed!" I took a breath and He explained, "You can see the circumstances from a new vantage point, a healthy vantage point where you are not consumed by them." "Because of Me, Jesus, you are at My vantage point, the point of seeing it for what it is, a fleeting circumstance." He reassured me, "You are secure with me." "Your journey Lori, is ultimately climbing higher, towards heaven and home, which is away from circumstances, sin, and pain." He explained about the view a little more, He said, " Sometimes you can see clearly the circumstances and the provisions I have made to meet you needs, but sometimes my dear girl, I cloud your view, so that you can't see." " It is in those times, like now in your life, that you have to trust me." So then I ask Him, "Can I stay here?" He replies, "I thought you'd never ask!"



God has broke through something in me. I have let go of somethings and received His peace and love. You know I am not real good at this totally depending on God thing, I'm just not! It is a struggle. Someone asked me last week if I believed that God has my best interests at heart, my response was a resounding, "No." Wow, and I'm a Christian? lol Well, I guess when my husband Daniel died I started not trusting God so much anymore, and with every successive hurt and pain suffered I trusted Him less and less. I have spent a lot of time thinking about that and how hurtful it is to God that I would do that. I think of what it must be like for Him, when His daughter, whom he is trying to help, blames Him for all the hurt and begins to pull away in distrust. Through listening to a song by Coldplay it really hit me like a ton of bricks.

God spoke to my spirit, "Lori, I have loved you with a perfect love." "All those times you thought people were loving you, it was really me, through them, through Daniel, through Mark." "It's always been me." Oh Lord forgive me of how I have hurt you so!

So that is where I'm at, a renewed sense of trust in God, depending upon Him as my source, resting in His love.

Veteran's Day so awesome I felt the Earth move! Well, kinda!

Yesterday was a beautiful day here in Pensacola, FL. So much so that we grabbed our stuff, loaded up in the van, and headed to the park. We spent four hours having a picnic, playing football, tennis, and playing on the playground.

I decided to lay down and enjoy some cloud watching, since I have not done that since I was a small child. You know when life was carefree and you would take the time to see what the clouds resembled, laying in the grass that would later cause you to itch like crazy! Well I brought a towel, don't like itching, but wanted to enjoy. I thought about the clouds and how they move around the earth and the air currents and then I had an idea! I thought, "I wonder if I can be so quiet and still so as to feel the Earth move?" Well, It was amazingly difficult to stay still that long and really focus and imagine the world moving like we have all been taught in elementary school. But it felt for a few seconds that the world was moving!

What does this have to do with anything? I don't know. We just had a good time! I think the Westminster shorter catechism says, "The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever." K? Blessings!

Oh I almost forgot to tell you what I saw in the clouds! A cute little Scottish terrier! I think? ;)

Responsibility of the week!

Well the other day I found myself looking at what you see now. Can you guess? Yes, I was in the mechanic's office. I spend a lot of time there. Yuck! I had planned to go to a yoga class to work on my breathing and reducing the stress in my life(or find my life that seems to be hidden within the stress), but instead I ended up at the shop with car issues. It all turned out just fine and the Lord provided the money. After 4 hours in this cold room, bad coffee, and my aching back, I was on my way again to pick up the kids from school. Woohoo! Praise Him! So what can I glean from this incident? Hmmmm,...hmmmm. Well, that perhaps I am more mature and responsible than I thought? Nah! I didn't want to go take care of car business that day. Perhaps instead it was the fact that before I got out of bed, I asked God to do this day for me. Because to be honest each day is such a struggle and I have reached a point of not having the desire to even get out of bed in the morning. So I ask Him to do it for me(life), because I can not. So I guess he just made good on my request! He is faithful! It is yet another way of seeing that God's ways are not our own. LOL. Have a great day!

To memorial or not to memorial that is the question!

Just a quick post about something that had recently happened in my life. Well last week we got some bad news, my late husband's mother, Robbin passed away. This was the last remaining Larson relative aside of my children. She had struggled with cancer for 6 mons. Where as she was not in pain till the end and took a sudden turn in the 3 days prior, it was still too soon for us! You see my late husband passes away in September of 04 due to cancer at the young age of 37. He was an only child. His father passed away in March of 06 and now the mother in 08. That along with losing 2 of my grandparents(03,07), a cousin(04), close friend(06), and my mother(06) in the last 5yrs, we have had our share of being confronted with death.

One thing I have to say is the importance of a Memorial Service or Funeral Service. Now some of the losses I have experienced have had services and about half did not. So here is a quick little opinion, which you can totally disregard if you want to, about the importance of a service.

It upsets me when people decide for whatever reason to not have a service in memory of themselves when they die. I have to laugh because my first thought is of screaming, "It's not about you!" Lol. It is funny because it's not even though they are the one pictured up front and the topic of every conversation. Memorials are really about those loved ones and relatives. It allows them time to begin the grieving process, share stories, let people hug and love them when they are hurting due to the loss. It allows them to even be encouraged to see how many people the life of their loved one touched. So many times you see the most unexpected people at these services, paying their respects to a family in grief. At my husband's funeral, a lady from the Jehovah's witnesses came. I was shocked because I didn't think they did that sort of thing for people who didn't believe as they did. Daniel and I spend every Tuesday morning at 9am with her and her friend. Through all the time of trying to convince each other of the right belief, the one thing showed through when she said, "I just don't understand how you both can be so loving?" Ha! I will never forget that lady and that she came to somehow pay back something, to give back some of that love.

Memorials and Funerals are to help people receive closure and move towards moving on in their lives. I say it that way because usually everyone goes back to their lives, but for the family in grief they have to find their lives again, a life with out their loved one. They have to figure out how to set upon the journey of moving onward.

I told my children that no matter how senile I get or cranky, that they better have a service when I die, because the greatest of love is saying things you don't want to because you know that someday they will need it! Blessings!

Abundant Life? Where?

Yesterday, I found what is now one of my favorite places here in Pensacola. I plan on getting a pic up soon to share. This was not a fabulous posh gourmet restaurant, nor a quaint but long forgotten bookstore hidden in the historic district, but it was quiet little spot along the water. What made it a favorite place in Pensacola? Well perhaps it was the beauty of the day, clear blue skies and the bright sun reflecting off of the water? Or was it the near by park filled with the barks of dogs and laughter of children? Was it the breeze blowing through the reeds at the bank, the fish jumping, or the hawk flying overhead? Although these parts of creation were surrounding me and the beauty of our Lord never ceases to amaze, it was the peaceful feeling of being with my Daddy(Abba), being in the arms of my heavenly Father. I was at rest just being His daughter and I did not want to leave!
Things have been so chaotic in my life for the last 5 years and the last 2 months have intensified. In all the midst of suffering, where is that Abundant Life Jesus said he came to give us? I just don't see it most days, but with the recent circumstances of my life I feel a desperation in the necessity of obtaining this promise that our Lord gave. One thing though, If I know him it wont be the way I think of going about getting it!
So I have been suffering for a while now and have just never approached that part of Christian thought about joining Christ in his sufferings, LOL! I laugh because I just can not believe that I have not studied that considering all the suffering? Remember I am a sheep! I guess it is not on the top ten list of, 'Things most Christians want to know about!" So I will be studying that, pray for me. I'm sure there will be insight!
So, I was reading through Psalm37 yesterday, at a favorite place in Pensacola(if you ask me I may tell you where it is, or I may not:), and I found myself noticing the roles. What is our role in this relationship, not religion, with God? What is God's role? Well I just went through Psalm 37 and this is what I got:
What God does:

• He will give you your heart's desires. v.4


• He will help you. v.5


• He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn. v.6


• He will act. v. 7


• He will take care of the godly. v.17 (that is you because of Jesus)


• He takes care of the innocent. v. 18


• He directs the steps of the godly. v.23(that is you because of Jesus)


• He delights in every detail of their lives. v.23 (your life)


• He holds them by the hand. v. 24


• He loves justice v.28


• He will never abandon the godly. v.28(again that is you because of Jesus)


• He rescues the godly. v.39(you)


• He helps them. v.40


• He rescues them from the wicked. v.40


• He saves them. v. 40

Wow! What a busy God! Now what do we do:

• Trust Him v.3,5,9,


• Take delight in Him v.4


• Commit everything to Him. v.5


• Be still and wait for Him v.7


• Stumble v.24


• Offer good counsel. v.30


• Make God's law your own. v.31 (Choose His ways)


• Put your hope in Him. v.34


• Travel steady. v.34


• Love peace. v. 37


• Find shelter in Him. v.40

Is it just me or did we get the easy end of this bargain? If it is so easy then why does it seem so hard?

Well I guess in Jn. 316:33 Jesus said, "I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world." What does that mean. Well as part was talking about persecution for our faith, I believe the other part was talking about the sorrow from sin. We encounter many things in this world tragedy, sickness, and just plain evil. We have loved ones die from cancer to young, we have marriages separate, we have people choosing to destroy their lives with drugs and alcohol and various other sorrows in this life, sufferings. I have experienced lots of these, as a Christian, so again I ask where is this "Abundant life"? Well I think It is in the peace Jesus talks about. This peace is He, himself. He gives us himself to be able to survive the sin and temptations of this world because He is our very life! It is the being in him part that throws me, I have trouble sticking in him, don't you? That is why yesterday by the water was such a wonderful time for me. I was experiencing His peace by Abiding with him. Abiding in the vine is where that Abundant life is. Only if we can stay connected to Christ can we make it through the sins of this world. We will stumble as the Psalmist states but we can rest assured that we will not stay down because He's got our hand, we have Him as our life, and Beloved this is not our home!

Let the fun begin!

Wow this is my very first blog and I am so excited that I had to post something. I am so very excited about having a blog, an avenue by which I can share. It has been a long time coming, as my husband had been trying to get me to start one of these for the last 3yrs. So here it is and here I go. I look forward to all the great future posts and comments. Blessings! In Him, Lori