My dream Life, becoming my Real Life!

This song popped into my head yesterday and it was so very timely.

I had a great devotion time with the Lord yesterday in which He pointed out Deuteronomy 30. To be quite honest, I opened up my bible app and this was the chapter that was staring me in the face, I had not looked it up previously...it was just there!

In this chapter it covers the concept of choosing life or death. It begins with, "So it shall be when all of these things have come upon you, the blessing and the curse which I have set before you.." I was amazed. I guess with all the turmoil of last month I had forgotten one significant detail of the process,... my choice in it all. With finding out my ex got married 3 months after our break up, my beloved pup passing, the landlord refusing repair of my oven of which I had no money to fix, and turning 40 I had a choice to make, to either choose life or death, to see all this as a blessing or a curse. I admit it that these things were truly devastating to me, as those around me can attest that I didn't think I would make it, but after the emotional dust settles I have had to decide what to do with this information. Do I file it in the curse file? Deeming this as some sort of plan of the evil one to destroy me? Or do I file it in the blessings file? Gleaning understanding and knowledge knowing that only God can give Satan permission to mess with me so I can learn and grow? I am not minimizing these events and again they were tremendously hard to endure but now that the emotions are subsiding can I look more objectively at these things? That is the question I became aware of yesterday.

Some points that jumped out at me from Deut. 30 were "the Lord your God will restore you from captivity, and have compassion on you..", "The Lord your God will bring you into the land which your fathers possessed, and you shall possess it; and He will prosper you and multiply you..", "Then the Lord your God will prosper you abundantly in all the work of your hand, in the offspring of your body...the Lord will again rejoice over you for good...", "See I have set before you today life and prosperity, and death and adversity", "..the Lord you God may bless you in the land where you are entering to possess it. But if your heart turns away...you shall surely perish.", and "I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse. So choose life in order that you may live.." This was not absolutely clear but I knew yesterday morning that I was back in the driver's seat, so to speak, as far as choosing life or death, blessing or cursing. Choosing God's vision or choosing my narrow and mostly dismal view of the present and future.

I decided yesterday to investigate a local pottery studio. On my birthday a dear friend brought me flowers and for the first time saw the ceramics I have created, which are all over my home. She instantly started taking pictures and telling me I should have these in a gallery in town. It was at that moment that I started to dream again and by the end of our visit she chose three pieces, of which she wants to purchase one. Due to this visit I rediscovered the deep desire in me to create so I went to the pottery studio so I would have a place to create more. This kindled my creative spirit and my mind was immediately flooded with creative ideas to try. To say the least it was refreshing and encouraging to think that in me God has placed amazing gifts and talents to be shared with the world.

Now there is only one person, in my life who truly fostered my creative spirit in a way no other has, and that person has not been my favorite person as of late; however, this individual actually finally questioned my educational endeavors, telling me that I really should be doing artwork instead. Perhaps if this person had been more upfront with other aspects of life things would have been different but then again maybe that was the only part that individual had to play in my life but it was key so I guess I have them to thank for that. Due to this and the song referenced above, the verse about "no more wasting time on what I think I am supposed to do", I have decided that my artwork will not be just a hobby but a major part of my career and life. I am still going to finish my degree but will have two careers and the two are not so independent so that they can not be complementary.

In the process of coming back to myself and finding my peace I realize I have a lot to be thankful for! I am finding my peace in the simple things like the cool breeze of the mornings, the smile on the faces of my children, and the beauty of hope and passion for life. Contentment of my own pace is my current learning path and not to be constantly thinking I have to rush to keep up with the pace of others. Slowing down to enjoy the moments, thank God for the beauty that surrounds me and is in me. It is in that appreciation, I am realizing that I am an amazing beautiful piece of artwork signed by the creator for an amazing purpose and success is right around the corner!

I can now say that I am becoming more aware of how things which looked like they were for my bad were actually the best thing for me. In recognizing my own worth and those things that make me unique, I can see how things that were not healthy for me. I am a dreamer, an independent creator who paves her own path and is strong enough to believe. And in the slowing down to my own pace I find more, more acceptance, more peace, more joy, more love, more of a place of where I belong and my beauty can flourish!

This life is not easy but I choose life and blessing because that is simply who I am! When I step back and look at the things I have been through I am a bit surprised at the strength and resiliency that comes from with in. Like the group lighthouse sings in the song Broken, about holding on for one more day to see what is thrown my way, will always be my theme song illustrating how deep down I know I will not be destroyed by this life because I choose life, love, and my Lord above all. Besides, scar tissue grows back stronger anyway.

So today I challenge you to choose life over death, choose blessing over cursing, choose love over anger and hate it is the pathway to peace and abundance!

Blessings!

Coming off the heels of yesterday...

After yesterdays post, I felt there was a few things left unsaid. One thing in particular that may be misconstrued is the realization of the wolves in sheep's clothing. The fact is that these individuals are there and awareness of them is half the battle; however, it is only through a concept of Emotional Intelligence or EQ that and individual can see the reality of the wolf life. Through the process of stepping back and realizing what makes these individuals their character and choices, the way they are allows a more accurate perception. This perception can give understanding of the best way to handle certain situations.

The point I was making yesterday is to not be deceived by certain things or people in this world but to be aware of the reality. So then the question in my mind raised, "What would Jesus have us do with this realization?" I think I came to the conclusion that Jesus would have us love them but not to the point at which we lose ourselves.  We can love those wolves in sheep's clothing...but from a distance.

For me it is all too easy to sacrifice my wants, needs, and goals for others whom I love; however, I have to stop and ask myself if this is the abundant life that God has died to give me. Well I can say when the sacrifice is for those, whom I love, then it is not such an altruistic endeavor. I am by nature a helper and it brings me great joy to help other people and while this is a good aspect of servant leadership it is good to remind myself that I am just as valuable and in need of help as the individual I would help. And how much more will I be able to help others if I, myself, am being helped?

God created us to live in community; therefore, helping and receiving help comes from those around us in our micro-community of the world community. While it is a nice thought that we can help everyone in our community it is relatively impossible. Some community members will refuse to be helped and appreciate the love that is being given. When Jesus said we are to love one another, He wasn't just speaking of our friends and those whom it is easy to love but also those who are difficult and a challenge to love.

While I agree with this I do have to say that there is an extent to which loving those who refuse love, can reach. There was no guarantee that those we love will love us back, just as God's experience of loving the world but the whole world doesn't love Him back. But I am not Him and when loving those who refuse love starts to take away from the person I am or steal my joy, that is the time to re-evaluate the situation. Perhaps there was a time that you loved an individual who refused your love? Well then you have insight into the great dilemma of will, which I won't go into now but at a later date.

Don't sacrifice who you are for another individual, EVER. God made you just the way He wanted you. You are His masterpiece! That is not to say that the effects of this world that have made you angry or bitter are part of God's design for the person you are and that is something for you to address, but always remember your original identity comes from and is hidden in God. That is the source of your identity and integrity!

 




Integrity is, in a nut shell, doing what you said you were going to do. If you say you are going to help someone or do something then the character trait of integrity is the vehicle that takes words to action. Sadly, in this society, much integrity has been lost for many; however, Jesus did and continues to do what he said he was going to do and as His beloved, this is a character trait that needs to be revived.

So if you say you love someone, show it otherwise they are just meaningless words of a broken world, or better yet show it with action then follow up with the words! Blessings!

Happy Love Month...yeah right!

                                          www.forwallpaper.com

"It is shocking how rude people can be...even church people!"-Sarah

Recently I was speaking with my daughter and she was astonished as how rude some people can be! She currently works as a server and had a few bad days where she was enlightened to the rudeness of some people and in particular, "church people!" Now I know I may get flack for this post but I'm just being authentic so hang with me!

I couldn't help but to empathize with her because, as of late, it appears we are both learning the same lesson in different ways. Just like Keith Green used to say, "Going to church doesn't make you into a Christian any more than going to McDonalds makes you into a hamburger!" It is so true!
So many times Christians who love the Lord with all of their heart, mind, soul, and strength seem to perceive the church building as a safe place; however, in my life experience it is really no different than outside of the doors to the building.

Now this can go two ways from here, the direction of expectation and the direction of acceptance of reality, so I will go both directions.

First, and rightfully so, there is this misconception that within the walls of a church building is to be found, those individuals who have given their heart to Jesus as their Lord and Savior, who strive to be more like Him everyday and in every way. Those who express love for others, strive to do no harm, and try to make this world a better place till their journey up. This may be quite a naive view point; however, it is totally understandable to expect christians to act like christians, expressing the fruit of the spirit (ie. love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control Gal 5:22-23); however, I have found this to not be entirely true. In fact, while there are many authentic christians in churches there are always a few wolves in sheep's clothing lurking. That is the reality!

In reality the church walls are just a smaller subset of the population as a whole. Scientists would call this a sample and by nature of a sample it is a smaller representation of the whole or population. There is also a thing in statistics called an outlier. These are random scores that are far away from the mean or average response score. Unfortunately, in my experience there are more outliers within the walls of the church building than most of us would like to admit. Those who profess with their lips but their hearts are far from him (Matthew 15:8) are those who say all the right things but do not know the maker of their soul.

To these individuals, like the pharisees, they only care about looking good and getting the praise of men, while deceit is in their hearts. In Matthew, Jesus continues to explain that it is out of the heart where the words of our mouth come from and those who speak evil of their father or mother defile the word of God. Can't you just picture it? Here are the religious leaders of the day, looking all holy and perfect, and Jesus calls them out on their heart state telling them that they are in all actuality evil because they do not have a close relationship with Him! They only know Jesus at arms length and refuse to let any true change take place in their hard self-centered hearts. Jesus said, "the things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart and those defile a man." (Matt. 15:18)

Some individuals do not realize that it takes an actual relationship with Jesus to change a heart and that relationship comes through humility! What the world sees as good is often times the opposite of what God sees as good. The world says humility is weakness which is bad; however, in God's economy, weakness is an avenue for Him to be strong for you, which is good. This I have experienced personally! In reality, to be humble and weak is knowing your own limitation and where you stand in the grand scheme of life, rather than living in a fantasy world created in the mind. It takes true strength to show weakness!

One of the saddest things I have experienced is meeting these types of people that live behind a mask of false perfection and arrogance like these pharisees.  I do not want to ever be so hardened and self-centered so as to not love others out of the abundance of my love relationship with the author of love.
The thing to remember here is just because a person attends church does not mean they are a Christian and just because a person does not attend church does not be they are not a Christian. Even if individuals profess to be a Christian, if their heart is not in close relationship with Jesus then we are to judge them by their fruits.

Are they loving? Or do they treat others with contempt and ill will?

Are they joyful? Or are they angry all the time?

Do they have peace? Or are they constantly stressed out?

Are they patient? Or do they pressure and push for what they want, and want it yesterday?

Ar they kind, thinking of others before themselves? Or are they only concerned with their own wellbeing?

Are they a generally good person, whom people like to be around? Or do they treat others as replaceable and expendable?

Are they faithful with their commitments? Or all talk and no walk?

Are they gentle with others? Or do they deal harshly with others?

Do they practice self-control? Or just give in to whims of emotional outbursts and tantrums?

Now I am sure that we have all fallen in one of these areas a time or two, I know I have more often than I want to admit; however, in looking at these fruits of the spirit it is an overwhelming presence of the fruit bathed in humility that is representative of the love relationship with Jesus.

I am not a fan of judging any person on anything; however, Jesus said in Matthew 7:20 "So then, you will know them by their fruits"when speaking of those wolves in sheep's clothing. He speaks of those who do not produce fruit and how they will be cut down and in the next few verses states that it is only through KNOWING Him that eternal life is secured. So in this day and age, we ought to not be naive to think that the church building is a completely safe place but to always be on the look out for those who say one thing and do another.

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another"John 13:34-35

"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God. The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love" 1 John 4:7&8

Happy February! Here's some love go share it! Blessings!

You become who you hang around with!

It's really true! You tend to take on the traits of those you spend the most time with.  I have recently gone through a break up, well four months ago, of an engagement relationship. While that may seem like a long time, for a 3 year relationship it was more like going through a divorce. It's not that I had not been through this type of thing before, for I am well acquainted with loss of various types and a previous divorce; however, I found myself stuck and not being able to climb out. I was experiencing depression and recurring dreams that seemed to be prolonging my healing process but then today I went to the beach!

After dropping my daughter at school, I grabbed my favorite coconut coffee and headed to the beach with my journal in hand. As I sat there in the 64 degree weather, I started to remember the person I had been prior to this relationship. Words that came to mind were: kind, peaceful, fierce, tenacious, adventurous, happy, beautiful, loving, independent, strong, courageous, fearless, positive, encouraging, funny, secure, and compassionate. These among other thoughts swirled in my head with a great desire in my heart to reclaim them as part of my current identity. It was after an older gentleman walked by staring in my direction, to which my thoughts commented, "What are you looking at?" with lets just say a not so flattering expression on my face, that I stopped myself and asked, "Who are you Lori?" "Who have you become?" I realized that I used to be the secure confident person that greeted people with a smile and friendliness not contempt. I was not viewing others as enemies but as friends I simply had not met yet. It was that I realized the idea of becoming more like those individuals you spend the most time with, is really true.

You see my ex was the type of person who, as he himself admitted, was always fighting the world and felt others were trying to get something from him. Even if there was nothing to struggle with, he still struggled. I realized that I had taken on this trait over the last 3 years. I no longer saw the world through eyes of love and appreciation but through eyes of frustration, impatience, and anger. This is definitely not who I was created to be! I had gotten into a mindset of rushing, always being connected to technology, and thinking if I was going to make it in the business world I would have to work non-stop in order to do so and if I didn't the world would end! What a croc! Now I am not saying anything negative about my ex, it's just that that lifestyle does not agree with me. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a rather laid back and relaxed individual, more of a Type B person. I am more of a calm natured go with the flow person. A person who is trustworthy, non-judging, and extremely understanding, so my friends tell me. My ex was a Type A++ person; high stress, impatient, critical, etc; and that's not to say that he didn't have good qualities, he did but that is why we are no longer together, incompatibility. Let's face it, the world would be boring if we were all the same and I'm not coming down on Type As just accepting that they are not a good match for me. Many people do not value the things I do, nor do they believe and think the way I do; therefore, my ex is not right or wrong, he is just not a good match for me and I'm ok with that!

So at this point, I stopped and watched the people around me, appreciating the little toddler playing in the sand and the middle aged men who decided to have a South Florida polar bear swim in the 66 degree Gulf of Mexico. It was then that I realized that I needed to get back to being me and the funny thing is, that woman, is amazing! She is beautiful, strong, loving, compassionate, caring, hopeful, adventurous, optimistic, happy, funny, non-judgemental and you know what? people love her! It only took a moment to realize that she was in there and I just need to slow down and change my thoughts back to what I know about her in order to find her. The fact is she never left! I just let someone else's traits latch on and wasn't staying true to myself. I am a lover not a fighter, unless someone I love is in danger, then I'm fierce but I am happiest when I stay true to myself and abide in love. That is where I belong! We only have one life and I want to live it, but it has to be lived in the now! Live is for the living so why don't you go and live it! Blessings!

Some days…are bad days

Recently I have been plagued with dreams that affect my day when I wake up.  As a student of psychology I can say, quite scientifically, that this is the process of my brain trying to make sense of a rather senseless situation and process all the thoughts and emotions that accompany. However, as a human I am feeling overwhelmed with emotion and fighting depression every step of the way. Wait…what? Depression? That's not me! How did I get to this place? I am typically a glass half full, silver lining, and make the best of all situations, even the tough ones, but right now I find myself in a place of darkness. While this may just be situational, coming up on months, we are approaching that time when a therapist may diagnose me with depression. It isn't every day that I deal with these great feelings of pain and anger over loss…it's just when I have the dreams. I wake up with a heavy weight on my chest and tears in my eyes, wanting both to go back to sleep to dream something else but not enough to do it for fear of re-entering that same dream, and to get up and push it all aside realizing it was just that a dream and give it no value (quite unsuccessfully I might add).

Like I said it doesn't happen every day…just about every other day. I quickly grab my journal and frantically write down every thought and feeling, thinking if I get it out of me then I will feel better…but I don't. I question God on why this happened, the incident that spawned the dreams, when I thought it was His plan? I didn't just think, I knew I had heard from God and this was definitely His plan, so…was this pain and suffering His plan as well? What is the purpose in that? A lesson?  I get angry. I thought You loved me and wanted me to have abundant life Lord? Too much stress, too much hurt, too much heartbreak for one person to bear. I can handle this Lord, it's making me crazy!!!! And I end it begging for deliverance from the pain. If the dreams would just stop, I would be okay.

Well I don't have any upswing to this post…it's just a bad day (like every other day lately), and I guess the confusion, pain, anger, overwhelming feelings, and tears are bound to happen in a journey of working through loss. I woke up in despair pleading with God, that I can not take it anymore! I just can't! All the questions of what went wrong, searching for meaning, and longing for peace. I guess I am hoping that He will get me through this bad day and at some point I will look up from this pile of crap and see the rainbow that will lead to my pot of gold, as I have been told by the smartest man I have ever known. Until then, I'm trying to be patient and gentle with myself. :-(