It's really true! You tend to take on the traits of those you spend the most time with. I have recently gone through a break up, well four months ago, of an engagement relationship. While that may seem like a long time, for a 3 year relationship it was more like going through a divorce. It's not that I had not been through this type of thing before, for I am well acquainted with loss of various types and a previous divorce; however, I found myself stuck and not being able to climb out. I was experiencing depression and recurring dreams that seemed to be prolonging my healing process but then today I went to the beach!
After dropping my daughter at school, I grabbed my favorite coconut coffee and headed to the beach with my journal in hand. As I sat there in the 64 degree weather, I started to remember the person I had been prior to this relationship. Words that came to mind were: kind, peaceful, fierce, tenacious, adventurous, happy, beautiful, loving, independent, strong, courageous, fearless, positive, encouraging, funny, secure, and compassionate. These among other thoughts swirled in my head with a great desire in my heart to reclaim them as part of my current identity. It was after an older gentleman walked by staring in my direction, to which my thoughts commented, "What are you looking at?" with lets just say a not so flattering expression on my face, that I stopped myself and asked, "Who are you Lori?" "Who have you become?" I realized that I used to be the secure confident person that greeted people with a smile and friendliness not contempt. I was not viewing others as enemies but as friends I simply had not met yet. It was that I realized the idea of becoming more like those individuals you spend the most time with, is really true.
You see my ex was the type of person who, as he himself admitted, was always fighting the world and felt others were trying to get something from him. Even if there was nothing to struggle with, he still struggled. I realized that I had taken on this trait over the last 3 years. I no longer saw the world through eyes of love and appreciation but through eyes of frustration, impatience, and anger. This is definitely not who I was created to be! I had gotten into a mindset of rushing, always being connected to technology, and thinking if I was going to make it in the business world I would have to work non-stop in order to do so and if I didn't the world would end! What a croc! Now I am not saying anything negative about my ex, it's just that that lifestyle does not agree with me. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a rather laid back and relaxed individual, more of a Type B person. I am more of a calm natured go with the flow person. A person who is trustworthy, non-judging, and extremely understanding, so my friends tell me. My ex was a Type A++ person; high stress, impatient, critical, etc; and that's not to say that he didn't have good qualities, he did but that is why we are no longer together, incompatibility. Let's face it, the world would be boring if we were all the same and I'm not coming down on Type As just accepting that they are not a good match for me. Many people do not value the things I do, nor do they believe and think the way I do; therefore, my ex is not right or wrong, he is just not a good match for me and I'm ok with that!
So at this point, I stopped and watched the people around me, appreciating the little toddler playing in the sand and the middle aged men who decided to have a South Florida polar bear swim in the 66 degree Gulf of Mexico. It was then that I realized that I needed to get back to being me and the funny thing is, that woman, is amazing! She is beautiful, strong, loving, compassionate, caring, hopeful, adventurous, optimistic, happy, funny, non-judgemental and you know what? people love her! It only took a moment to realize that she was in there and I just need to slow down and change my thoughts back to what I know about her in order to find her. The fact is she never left! I just let someone else's traits latch on and wasn't staying true to myself. I am a lover not a fighter, unless someone I love is in danger, then I'm fierce but I am happiest when I stay true to myself and abide in love. That is where I belong! We only have one life and I want to live it, but it has to be lived in the now! Live is for the living so why don't you go and live it! Blessings!
