Life changes perspective!

I saw this quote today and it stopped me for a moment because it took me back to the beginning of my college days. It was my third year in bible college and along with being a full time college student, I was home schooling three children, had a new baby, volunteering at our church, and my husband was dealing with a mystery illness that the doctors could not identify. Due to the extensive schedule, choosing classes had become a tricky game of "see what fits". I had been avoiding one course in particular since the beginning of my time at this college because I knew it would be a class that was not only totally unfamiliar but also uncharacteristic of who I was as a person. Just the thought was overwhelming and seemingly impossible for me to ever successfully complete with any sort of grade that would be sufficient to pass. No, this class, through mounting fear, had become my nemesis! This class was...speech!

Public speaking in front of a group of people can be unnerving to most, but for me a person who found security in my natural qualities of being the quite support for my husband's endeavors and really more of a follower by nature, it was absolutely frightening! So there I was only one class could fill the only opening I had in my schedule and it was speech class. To say I was a little upset at God for putting me in a class where, I was certain, I was set up to fail, would be an understatement. It was quite possibly the most difficult class of my entire college career. I must have gone home from that class in tears more times than not and quit that class, in my head, a dozen times only to finally make it to the final exam.

Our final exam consisted of getting a topic, having two minutes to prepare a two minute speech, and then delivering said speech. Up until that point I had a close friend who really helped me in the class and I don't think I would have made it without her friendship and support, now I was totally petrified! I had lost it in class a few times because of the stresses I was dealing with my husbands illness and the doctors inability to identify what the issue was. She was there to help me finish my speech and carry me through.

So for final exam we went consecutively, my friend and I, and I can not remember what my speech was about, but I remember what hers was about. She had been given the topic, "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." We discussed her topic and were on opposite sides of the issue. I was totally against the concept, probably due to the fact that by this point I was literally starting to watch the man I love more than life itself, start to slowly wither. Something was wrong but the doctors could not give us an answer. Out of fear, I suppose, my position arose to the fact that I had a great love and did not want to loose him. The contemplation of that grave of a loss was unbearable and incomprehensible at that time, so I did what anyone would have done, I rebelled against the pain. I remember reasoning that pain of that magnitude was not worth going through, kind of the, "ignorance is bliss" mentality. She disagreed with me because she believed that love was the greatest thing a human can experience and that without that love, the understanding of our creator would never fully be realized.

So here, ten years after the cancer diagnosis and nine years after his death, raising four children on my own, a second failed marriage, and numerous other losses I can honestly say that yes, I agree with this quote by Mr. Tennyson. Unfortunately, no matter how painful it is, to know love is to know life and the absence of love for fear of losing that love is like a painter with no brushes or paint. Love is what gives color to our world and what makes life beautiful. Just like the artist, the colors are not always bright and cheery, they are sometimes muted and dark but they are still the substance that gives meaning and purpose to our souls! These loves and losses are what define us as human, giving meaning to our lives, enriching our world, and defining us as created beings. While resilience is woven into the fiber of our being and I am so thankful for that, to know love and lose it is greater than never knowing love,  because, it reminds us that we are human and the beauty that comes from living life!

Funny how life can change a certain perspective, remember I said I was more of a follower and a support person, well apparently God did not agree with that perspective either! Over the years I have become a leader. There is some sort of ingrained quality that, through all the tough circumstances, has arose and blossomed. This leadership ability has since effortlessly transferred to each of my four children. I can not imagine what they would be like  or who they would be if the past series of events had not happened the way they did. Every time I see one of my children rise up with that same familiar tenacity, unmoving confidence, and undeniable strength of leadership, I am taken aback at first wondering where they gained these traits and then I smile with the pride only a single mother knows, realizing that I know exactly where they got it from...speech class!
Blessings!