Today God showed me something. He showed me that He loves me so much that he refuses to let me choke on my own bad choices. I recently needed to re-evaluate my schedule due to the fact that I had, once again, bit off more than I can chew. I have one friend who tells me the way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. That is all find and well but my bites are not bites but huge colossal chomps that are too big to bite down and close your teeth let alone trying to chew. Being a single mother of four, this type of act of super heroineism is not hard to do. There is always a million things to be done which always leave me feeling inadequate. Of course I should be able to raise four children, keep a house, take care of the finances, prepare to move, file paper work for two of the four children’s college, re-evaluate my budget when the health insurance goes up, procure groceries, cook dinner, laundry, bed times, teeth brushing, etc. and also go to college full time and take way too many math courses for anyone, while expecting to get A’s. Whew! I’m tired just thinking about it! I didn’t even mention how far we are behind on the dog’s check-ups and unpacking boxes from two moves ago. But with all these things going on so that I feel like Indiana Jones, when he is running from the huge stone boulder that is hot on his tail, God surprises me in the midst of the chaos. He uses this to teach me yet again another lesson on trusting Him and how He really does care about me and will provide peace and money for the moving truck just because…He loves me.
I have started to realize that I am one of those women, you know one of THOSE women who believe they can do all of the above, while curing cancer, and leaping tall buildings in a single bound! I call it Wonder Woman syndrome. I heard it said once, “the longer you live the less you know!” How true is that? I find out the longer I am here on this planet the little I actually know about,…well, everything! I remember being a teenager and knowing literally everything, (ha ha!) or so I thought. I have spent the time since realizing how much I really do not know and how totally incapable of living this life that I am. I have had to come to terms with myself and face the fact that, I have limitations! Each day seems to present a new understanding into just what exactly it means to me human. It is a relieving journey in finding that God really does not expect what I think He does. It is a humbling journey to find out that my expectations of myself far out weigh those of the leader of the universes!
My life is not easy to begin with, and I know we all have our challenges in life, He never said it would be easy. But I do not believe that His desire is for us to be totally miserable because we are working so hard all the time. I believe that just as much in the times of work and duty God is involved, but also in our play and relaxation He is in the midst of us, smiling and laughing right along. After all, who invented the idea or concept of fun? Wasn’t it God Himself? If everything that was made was made through Him, and every good and perfect gift comes from Him, then that includes play and rest doesn’t it? I love to create pottery or ceramics. I also love to paint with acrylics, draw, and play my guitar ; however, with my wonder woman schedule I have not had time to do those things that feed my soul the most. I absolutely love writing this blog too! Now I will have the time I need to do what I need to do! I have been reading Leviticus lately, praying to make it through, and one thing I notice is that God is precise! He directs the nation of Israel on what to do in every situation, sickness, sin, normal everyday bodily functions. He gives exact instructions, step by step on how to handle everything. God really never wastes anything. He uses every little part to teach us just who He is and as we look closer and closer into the eyes of love, our eyes grow wide with wonder.
So I had to write how God changed my schedule today and blessed me as a result of that change. Not only did He convey that He has no desire for me to work myself to death, but He also loves me enough to make sure I have what I need. I learned that I don’t have to join the rat race, as some call it. I am on His journey and He is more concerned about what I need than I am. He also knows me better than I know myself. That whole life and having it more abundantly, that He speaks about in John’s gospel, that can be had here and now, this day is the day to choose whom you will serve!
I am humbled and amazed at His grace once again.
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