Last night we attended the splendid and fabulous display of fireworks that took place at the Pensacola Beach pier. Fireworks are an amazing thing! One one hand they are extremely dangerous explosives and on the other they are awe-some enough to demand quite a bit of praise from the audiences. It became amazing to me that when the largest of the fireworks was first set off, the quiet of the onlookers was quickly dispelled with great shouts and an eruption of cheering! Lighting up the night sky with such ferocity, the crowd grew more and more exuberant with each boom!
I couldn't help but to be introspective during this display because I have been seeking directions and not sure if the reasoning for my neglecting certain directions was legit or just fear driven. There are so many demands upon our lives here in this world and where priorities lie have been a great source of challenge for me. For this moment though, with my daughter sitting in my lap and sitting still I realized that I knew the answer to my question and that fear had become such a driving force in my life. I realized that at that moment, sitting on the beach with my kids was exactly where God wanted me and He met me there!
I thought about how my life was becoming quite mediocre and that perhaps I had traded the wonderful adventure for the predictability of familiarity! I also realized that I am a person whom will never be satisfied with the idea of a mediocre life, meaning I was created for a purpose and anything else would be simply not good enough! Of course the moment I start down this path towards dreaming and believing again, the doubts creep in. I am quickly reminded of the logical and practical reasoning that is not conducive to living this way. Some how, demands of life and the practicality of sight meet with the demands of the heart's desire and the spirit, and the only question is, who wins in Lori's world? I would be thought to be quite irrational if I made one decision and appear possibly stupid by others, but then there is God and what He thinks. I read a book by Francis Chan titled Crazy Love and in it he speaks of his wife's grandmother, a true Christian woman who's desire was solely for her heavenly Father. He talks about how they attended the theatre and he asked her if she was enjoying and she replied that she wasn't really enjoying it. He then asked why and she replied with saying that she couldn't stand the thought of God returning while she was sitting in the theatre! Now, don't get me wrong, I believe that we should enjoy things, I sure desire to. God did say we can have abundant life here and now; however, how abundant can life be if you are not doing what you have been designed to do?
I don't know about you, but I have the worst time figuring this out,...or do I? Am I just running? In fear? Am I fearing that God won't do what He said He would or am I fearing that He will?
All I am really wanting is the faith walk without the faith part. To have faith, tough experiences and total reliance upon God is required, who would want that? I look at my self now and compare to the faith walk I used to have and I have great reason to be alarmed, or do I? I have thought of how I used to trust God so much for so many things and now I am so much more self sufficient. This in itself can be very depressing then I am led to the words of Jesus, in Luke 22:31
"Simon, Simon, behold, Satan has demanded permission to sift you like wheat; but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail; and you, when once turned again, strengthen your brothers. "
I have always felt such similarities to Simon Peter in his misplaced exuberance, passion, and leaping before looking, not to mention his constantly sticking his foot in his mouth! But I have to think about the part of, when once turned again, then being able to strengthen others, and wonder, "Lord, is this what has happened with me?" I have definitely felt the sifting of ole smutty but I know that he always has to ask permission from my Abba, so there must be reasons? Character training again? Most likely!
I heard a pastor say, he heard a girl once say that God invites us to His party, it's not about us! That kinda takes the fear out of the possibility of failure.
So I was watching the fireworks with great peace then thought, about how all the people were shouting and celebrating the awesome yet dangerous fireworks and I am reminded of the Lion Aslan and how he is not a tame lion that he is awesome and yet not safe! As our God is a fierce and Holy God, due all glory and honor for his majestic splendor! Cheering for the fireworks I caught a glimpse of heaven and with a slightly melancholy heart feeling, "We should be praising you my Father!" "All this should be for you!" Thank you for the freedom you died to give! Thank you for the Spirit of Power, Love, and a Sound Mind! Thanks for throwing your party and inviting me! Love, your daughter
2 comments:
Lori, your life is so far from mediocre!
Most of the time it's just hard to see the truth from so close a vantage point. Sometimes, we (I say this from experience) attach ourselves to an idea of how God working in our lives should look and find it difficult to let go. For me the difficulty comes from pride, legalism, and fear. Like Peter, I become distracted by the wind and the waves and immediately start to sink, (Matt 14:22-32) drowning in my fears, insecurities, and doubts.
It is here that that prowling lion comes to whisper things like, “He's not doing what you thought He should. Look at these problems, obstacles, pains. He must not love you, must not be good. You must be doing something wrong. You should be stronger, wiser, better.” I think the image of Wormtongue speaking to the King of Rohan in Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers is a powerful depiction of this hideous work of his.
Sister, in the name of Jesus, break those agreements with that liar! By faith, we come from a long line of warriors “who through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice, and gained what was promised; who shut the mouths of lions, quenched the fury of the flames, and escaped the edge of the sword; whose weakness was turned to strength; and who became powerful in battle and routed foreign armies,” (Hebrews 11:33-34) AND lived joyous lives without our loved ones, raised our children alone, faced rejection and loneliness and found hope and friends, pursued educations and careers, and lived in the freedom that Christ died to give us.
My prayer is that you will see your Father in Heaven has not foresaken you. He, in His great wisdom and mercy, says, “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.” (Isa 43:19). He is bring to life again a part of your heart that was not His.
Put on His armor, take up His sword, go to your knees and fight mighty warrior!
Your sister in Christ Jesus,
Carrie
Thank you for your encouraging words! I will try to focus on the truth and recieve that freedom. I do have a preconcieved idea of what I would like my life to look like and it always seems to be going the opposite direction. You have given good food for thought here and I think I need to watch that LOTR again! Thanks! ;)
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