Grace vs. Obedience?

I was just returning from taking my son to get his learners permit at the local DMV, and I decided to ponder the thought of, "Grace verses Obedience". I do not consider myself an expert on this by any manner of speaking; however, with a look at the Word of God perhaps can shed some light on this controversy. I say controversy because it really seems as of late that with the current thought that are emerging within this, "ME" generation, is the understanding of grace which allows the option of living a sinful life. I have heard those who profess to be Christians say, "that is the point of grace, I can't fight my sin. So I'm not going to try, besides it is too hard to be obedient". I have heard the understanding expressed that, "I can not change therefore, God will be glorified through my continued sin." Even the comment, "I know better but I just want to do what I want to do. I want to be happy!" Hmmmm, there is something that irritates me about that, and while I don't want to come off judgemental, and have been told so by some people that I do(oh well!), there has to be truth in the word concerning grace and obedience. Does God not require obedience anymore? Are we relieved of any accountability of right doing simply because we are wrong beings and that is all that God can expect of us? Why did Jesus come to die anyway? Shall we live in this life in lethargy, void of any real hope or power to change? What ever happened to the integrity of the Christian?

Well, as far as the question, "Does God require obedience anymore?", we can look to the book of Romans chapter six. This is exactly what Paul was faced with, people who were basically seeing grace abused but with out a clear understanding had to raise the question of should we sin or obey? The chapter begins with that very question. In chapter six we read:

Well then, should we keep on sinning so that God can show us more and more of his wonderful grace? 2 Of course not! Since we have died to sin, how can we continue to live in it?

So here we see Paul addressing this in a little bit different light. Did you catch it? If you keep reading you will. The people are concerned about what they should do as in what actions they should take, again to right and wrong. Paul continues in the following verses explaining that it is no longer about what we do but rather who we are. This is no longer a performance issue but an identity issue. Paul goes on to say that we have been buried with Christ in death and risen to new life with him as well. Paul states in verse six that, we are no longer slaves to sin. We are not controlled by sin we are now controlled by the life of Christ that is in us. We were dead before not even having the desire to do right because we were slaves to sin. But now we are alive because we are slaves to Christ. I love verses 15 and 16:

Well then, since God's grace has set us free from the law, does that mean we can go on sinning? Of course not! Don't you realize that you become a slave of whatever you choose to obey? You can be a slave to sin, which leads to death, or you can choose to obey God, which leads to righteous living.

Now what I find interesting is that Paul was not talking to unbelievers here, was he? This is the letter to the church in Rome isn't it? So we as believers still have the choice to make as to if we are going to become a slave to sin or a slave to Christ. It doesn't appear to me to be speaking about Salvation because in verse 14 we read:

Sin is no longer your master, for you no longer live under the requirements of the law. Instead, you live under the freedom of God's grace.

I believe the direct result of you choosing to align yourself with Christ, is obedience. Which would also mean the opposite as true also, with those who decide to align themselves with sin the result being death. It really is not a judgemental, or hypocritical thing here it is a matter of the heart. If you choose to love and serve God then you will naturally obey him, that is written upon your heart. But those, remember we are talking about Christians here, who decide they are going to love themselves and serve their fleshly sinful desires, will grow hardened in their hearts and grow in pride and self-centeredness. It is the natural result of the choice. The hypocritical thing about it is when a Christian decides to become a slave to sin, because they have already committed themselves to Christ so they are acting the opposite of their identity. The Bible says we are, a new creation in Christ Jesus, and if we have been given a new life that is free from the power of sin and death , it would be hypocritical to continue living in a state that we have been freed from. It would be hypocritical to say that we have no power to stop sinning when we have been freed from that slavery into life. It would be hypocritical to act in opposition to your true identity, wouldn't it? It would be hypocritical to take only grace without the natural result of obedience, they are inseparable. James says in 2:26:

Just as the body is dead with out breath, so also faith is dead without good works.

The natural result or proof of faith is works. The natural result or proof of grace is obedience. If a person was able to take the grace and leave the obedience was there ever true grace held? Think about it!

To be continued...

Can it be??

Last night I attended a woman's night of worship and I was really struggling with the circumstances of my life and desiring to be drawn up into the arms of my Lord and Savior. I have to admit that I really don't understand how things work. I have heard other people who are farther down this journey of life say things like, "the older I get, the more I realize, the less I know." That is so true in my life. It is kind of funny how when I was a teen I thought I knew it all and now I realize I will spend the rest of my life learning that I do not. Well the worship last night was moving and time spent in the fellowship of women who desire to touch the hem of His robe and be healed was amazing!

There standing in the midst of worship, I once again found myself bound, feeling like I had shackles on my feet, like the song. I thought, "What Lord will I be re shackled everyday with the demands of this world and it's cares?" I suppose that is what happens, I would just like to be astute enough to realize it earlier than when I get drug down and find myself, yet again, overwhelmed with my circumstances.

I prayed and cried out to God from the depths of my heart because I long to be free again. I have experience His freedom before and I can't fully describe what freedom does in my life. I know that I love me when I am free. I love God and his people when I am free. I am a vibrant expression of life when I am free and have Christ's life flowing through me! I am strong when I am weak when I am free. So my question is, "Why am I feeling bound?" and, "Where is that freedom?"

"Is it possible that because of the extremely difficult time I am having with the divorce, that it will take a certain amount of time before I will regain that freedom?" I so long for the victory and really hate this time of pain and uncertainty that I find myself in right now. I have firm foundation in Christ but this downcast sadness that I feel does not line up with who I am in Christ. I don't know I am really just thinking out loud here on this blog, so you will have to forgive me if I type something wrong, I'm just working things out. So anyway I long for the day of freedom and a restoration of Lori.

Back to the worship last night, there was a really great song called, The More I Seek You by Kari Jobe. I had been thinking about the concept of as a soon to be single person, my fulfillment being solely in Christ. I have rarely gone for long periods of time between relationships, my weakness. However, now I find myself in a tough place, for my husband left me and has sought a divorce. The reason for his actions are not biblical and very unclear as of this time. The problem is that just because man or the courts decide there is no more marriage, that doesn't make it true in God's eyes. I say all that to say that I am called by God to be patient and to seek restoration of my marriage. The only problem is that I am human! I hear single Christian's talk about how God met their every need and how He was all that they need. I have heard the saying that until God is all you need you are not ready for more. Part of my recoils at this because I like having a companion. I like being treated like a lady. I like having meaningful conversations with the one I love. I like holding hands, arms around my shoulder, and kisses. I like all of that and have missed that for five months now, but God is all I need? I don't understand? Why this desire if it is not good for me at this time? I don't want to rush my healing, but desires can be strong and I am weak. So last night this song played and I got a beautiful vision of me and the Lord. I was sitting at His feet, he provided for me out of his very own cup. I leaned against his chest and breathed a sigh of relieve because of his tender care and protection. I heard his heart beat because he was that real to me. I asked him, "Lord is that what you really want? Is it possible for us to be that close?" "Can it be like a husband and wife kind of close intimacy?" "Is it possible that you can meet these needs in me?" So here is the song and I pray that I will be able to stay in this moment, in this kind of intimacy with the Lord. That I will stay in His peace.

Lessons from Breaking the Fast.

Yesterday was the end of a 21 day Daniel Fast that our church participated in with a bunch of other churches around the nation. I just wanted to share some of the thought that I have had that pertain to my experience with this fast.


It was my first time doing a church wide purpose filled fast like this one. The object of this Daniel fast was for spiritual break through, increased intimacy, among other various reasons. Some people used this time of fasting and prayer for physical healing or breaking of strong holds. My reason was the spiritual break through, increased intimacy, and breaking of strongholds. I also, of course, was praying for reconciliation and restoration of my marriage.



I have to say that this was the absolutely most difficult fast I had ever experienced. Prior to starting the fast I was contemplating not doing it just because of all the turmoil that I have been experiencing with the unwanted divorce I am undergoing, but I felt driven towards God in a deeper way, in hopes of something, anything from my seemingly silent Savior. I don't believe that I got what I was after in the fast; in fact I got something all together different.

I wanted spiritual break through to be rid of this seeming space between God and I. I felt that I had been left to experience this terrible trial all alone. I couldn't understand why I was experiencing this lostness. I would like to say these feelings lifted or were dashed during the fast but they weren't, if anything they intensified! I felt that all I could see was my own sin, and boy it was nasty! For the entire three weeks I battled depression, anxiety, powerlessness, defeat, anger and destruction. Every day was devastating, and that was just when I opened my eyes in the morning and found myself once again in this nightmarish situation. I cried, I pleaded, I begged God to make it all stop, but it didn't!

I wanted increased intimacy with God. I have been in tough times before and I knew that if I could just cultivate an intimate relationship with God, I could make it through. I have experienced the deep pain of loosing my beloved husband to cancer, when I was only 29. And ever since then I have raised my four children through loosing multiple family members, knowing that the sweet intimacy was carrying me through. I knew I needed to feel God close to survive this battle. And I would like to say that happened, but... it didn't. In fact I have never felt God so far and never experienced his silence like I have in the last three weeks. I doubted more times than I can count, then condemned myself for it. I constantly questioned and blamed God for allowing this agony to invade my life. I was mad because I knew what the word said about my circumstances and how God hated divorce but life was not lining up with His word! I got frustrated in waiting for God to bring vindication to the wrongs against me. I came too close to just walking away from it all, but praise God that didn't happen! I hated myself and wasn't real sure about God either!
I desired restoration of my marriage and simply agonized over the fact that I am being forced into something that I hate. I prayed the word and worked hard to forgive my husband for abandoning me and the children. I started praying blessings upon him(when I wasn't busy cursing him). I held to my convictions and the sacredness of my marriage vows. I would ask, "How could this happen?" and more so, "How could this happen to me? After all I have been through already? Why God?"(no answer). I felt huge hatred for the fact that I was going to get a divorce and I had no say in it whatsoever! I felt disgust for how I had been deceived by someone I trusted. I cant express the emotions that I have undergone on this journey thus far and yet, I pleaded for restoration, and once again, that hasn't happened either.

At this point I'm sure you are asking yourself, " What in the world did this girl fast for?" Well, to be honest it didn't seem like anything positive or profitable occurred during this fast. Seem anyway!

Well, I did have quite a time one weekend, where I almost went off the deep end as I call it. I came to the point of desperation. I was literally at the end of my rope and loosing my grip fast. I was supposed to go to a friends 50Th birthday party, and tie up some loose ends but instead something else added to my stress and pushed me past the breaking point. I felt that I had to get away with God, or I was not going to survive another night.

So I went to the beach and spent a night seeking Him. He brought me to the point of realizing that I had been irreverent in my blaming Him for my unbearable circumstances. I repented and wept but that was all that happened. No great relief felt, no joy restored, still angry as ever, just a little quieter and more careful about it.
I would not be honest if I said I knew what the purpose of the fast was or what I did receive out of it. But I will tell you what happened today and the thoughts leading up to it. You see I had been growing impatient with the fast and wanting it to be over, and as the end drew near I thought of how deprived I felt during the fast and how alone I felt and restricted. Then I thought of how great it will be when I am no longer deprived and restricted, living in the land of freedom! Ahhh, God declared all things lawful... milk and honey again! Coffee! Woohoo! I thought of how great that was going to feel to walk it total freedom and eat what I chose to eat and know that I could eat it all in one day if I wanted! I could compare the fast time to living in the darkness, lost, apart from fellowship from God and because of being apart from God it meant living in restriction, without the blessing that comes from that fellowship, without the identity that comes from being His child, without the very life of Christ and the empowerment therefore, entailed. It was an illustration of a life that is willing to live without God. And then breaking the fast was like breaking the stronghold and power of sin and death. Now entering into an abundant life of freedom and power as child of the most high God, and all the identity and inheritance included. It was quite an analogy, in my mind, but again just thoughts, exciting ones but just thoughts. I was excited because is seemed like a revelation and a coming to understand the life in Christ and that we have the option of choosing to live without Him and His power in our lives. God says in His word that we receive not because we ask not. We ask not because we doubt His ability, His identity, and we are just plainly willing to live without Him! I just can't live in that place. He is just not God if He doesn't line up with who He has portrayed Himself to be in the word. His identity is crucial in order for me to know my identity, because it is wrapped up in Him.


So today I got up and drank a half a cup of coffee and almost felt criminal in doing so. I had thoughts like, "Is this really okay?," and, "Do I really want to get hooked on caffeine again? Maybe it's wrong?" "Maybe I shouldn't?" But I did and it was no big deal, so I went on with my day. Got to church and the worship was great, but it usually is great! That is why I go to church there! LOL One song took me back to times of worshipping with my Daniel playing the piano, "We fall down," great song. Anyway the sermon was about David and Goliath and being a hero. You know at this point I just want to survive, not be a hero. But certain things were said during the sermon that really hit me, and...I began to weep. Have you ever wept during a sermon? I have and it is usually when God is doing some great heart work! I had been struggling with the silence of God and it was unbearable so I remembered hearing that if God is quiet go back to the last thing he told you to do and make sure you did it. I started thinking of what God wants me to do and to be honest I have lately been going back and forth about what He wants me to do with some amount of uncertainty, but today I was hit with a reminder of what He has instructed me to do, which I am not doing right now nor taking steps towards. I have always known but I am afraid because His plan is much bigger than I can grasp or see a feasible path to. It is just plain scary to think that God has called me to full time ministry, to preach His gospel. I am just such an unworthy and unlikely person for the task, I don't understand it. I admit it today that I am called to do this but I am so scared because it seems so impossible, and impractical for my life. But It is what I have been created to do, I really, really know it! With all my heart I know it! So I have to step out into the Jordan river and expect there to be dry ground there to meet me.

I have to tell you in the process of today, something happened! I believe God removed a seed of bitterness that started to take root in my heart. All I know is that something isn't there that was there before. That sharp pain in my chest that would twinge with every thought of my current circumstances, is gone. There was a harshness in my heart that has gone as well. I cant accurately describe it but in my next post I will attempt. So I didn't receive anything from the time of fasting till the end or did I?

I think I got a really good reminder of who I am without Him. I have to remember those who the Lord loves He disciplines, including me. So what is God telling me? Well I sold both myself and Him short in what I thought was possible for my life. He reminds me that He has a much bigger plan, that includes Him "wow-ing" me, and my response is simply to marvel at Him! YES! I just love that! I'm pretty sure He does too!

Bearing the Cost

"My name is 'Bearing the Cost', but some call me, 'Forgiveness.'" "I was separated from all my companions, exiled from home, carried here and imprisoned in this rock. It was not my choice, but the work of others who, when they had dropped me here, went away and left me to bear the results of what they had done." "I have borne and have not fainted; I have not ceased to love, and Love helped me push through the crack in the rock until I could look right out onto my Love the sun himself. See now! There is nothing whatever between my Love and my heart, nothing around to distract me from him. He shines upon me and makes me to rejoice, and has atoned to me for all that was taken from me and done against me. There is no flower in all the world more blessed or more satisfied than I, for I look up to him as a weaned child and say, 'Whom have I in heaven but thee, and there is none upon earth that I desire but thee.'" -Hannah Hurnard (Hinds' Feet on High Places)

It's a love story...

Recently I attended a wedding in Tennessee, of a dear friends daughter. It was a beautiful event. One of my favorite parts was, knowing the strong foundation in the Lord Jesus that the bride and groom had, when they had their parents and their mentors come forward to pray blessings upon the couple! I absolutely loved the wedding and was truly blessed to be in attendance. Here is a song they played during the blessing time.

I have to admit that it was difficult for me considering the current circumstances in my life, to hear those vows, see the love, and know that it doesn't always work out the way it should for everyone. I guess I have just been struggling with my faith when things seem to go repeatedly wrong. I admit that I am just a child spiritually and tend to act more childish than childlike in my dealings with the Lord most days, especially when things are painful. So I haven't really known what to do with the tragic events that have characterized my life as of the past four years. Like waves upon the sea shore, life's disappointments keep coming and coming.

The above video got me to thinking about the sinful woman and wondering if she ever wondered why her life was not the way she imagined it to be when she was a little girl. Did she ever resent her social standing and what she had to do to make it? And how did that change after her interaction with Jesus? She was instructed to go and not sin again. The sinful woman at Simon's dinner in Luke 7 was told that her faith had saved her and that her sins were forgiven.

When I picture some of the women in the bible, I imagine in my mind's eye that they had a heart that longed for something, and they were willing to risk it all in hopes that, that something would be found. So what was it?

I have been struck by a song as of late. When I hear this song all I can think about is the love between Jesus and his bride, in particular, me. I think about how we were created with that desire for that something, that intimacy with true love. There are a few thoughts that I want to share. This song is about the typical Romeo and Juliet story. I find a few things interesting.

First, we have two young people, a girl speaking about a boy who is pursuing her; however, there is a problem because apparently her father opposes the union. I'm not sure why until later in the song where she makes mention that she is a scarlet letter and that reminds me of how we as humans are tainted with sin, and therefore there could be no union between Jesus and the scarlet sin stained bride. The bible says that the bridegroom was to cleanse his bride with the washing of the word.

Second, Romeo has to leave for some reason which parallels the crucifixion, resurrection, and ascension of Christ. Jesus had to walk a seemingly hopeless dead end path in order to get where He really wanted to be, in relationship with his bride.

Thirdly, She makes reference to her doubt because she just doesn't see his return. She expresses her desire for him to save her and how lonely she feels waiting his return. I can relate to this fading faith that in my mind can turn in on itself and end up hearing/wondering, "did I just make this up?" The solution is found in knowing the Bridegroom, really KNOWING him, his character and integrity.

Fourthly and finally, the song ends with a proposal for the ultimate union to behold a union of oneness, a marriage. I love the part when the groom says, "You will never be alone," and, "I talked to your dad." I love that because I can see Jesus as the bridegroom impatiently asking God the Father, "Okay we did it, can I? Can I be with her now?" There is obviously a distance between the daughter and the Father which exemplifies the brokenness from Adam's sin in the garden that separated us from God; however, a third party was able to bridge the gap. That third party is Jesus, our bridegroom.

Here's the video:

I'll close this by saying that I think that I was born in the wrong time period. I see this video and it reminds me of a time when honor and integrity made the man. People seemed to hold to a different standard that what is prevalent today. I have to remember that honor and integrity are the character of Jesus, no matter what the world says and does. This song really speaks of the intimacy to be had with Jesus as our husband. This has really been an answer to prayer because I have really been going through some terrible things, I mean really bad! It was an answer because to be honest if I can't have this intimacy with Christ, life is quite unbearable! I look forward to the intimacy I will share with my Lord. I praise him for being my passionate pursuer even when I turned and blamed him for the pain, grief and agony that this world has imposed. I told you I was childish!

Oh yeah back to my something something point. Jesus is the something. A passionate love story. That is the life you and I are called to enter into. It's a love story, baby just say YES!

Merry Christmas!

"He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour" 1Pt.5:8NLT

I have been quiet for a little while now and I would like to say I was being quiet before the Lord, and although it might appear that in one way, that was not my intention; however, He does work in spite of me! Well, the real reason is because I have been distracted.

One thing that I have been able to really see a little more clearly this past year is the attacks of the enemy. Not that I have in anyway shape or form been able to process that quick enough to keep my flesh in check or fight it, completely, but just the fact that I can identify him shows progress. We all have a purpose, and Satan's plan is to thwart God's, which brings up a really interesting concept that I won't spend to much time on but you can mull it over, and over, and over, the Sovereignty of God. Satan is prowling around to destroy us, because we are made in the image of God and God loves us and Satan hates that. Now I am aware that some of you may not really believe that Satan exists, and that is okay for you, but A) it is in the bible that we hold to as truth and B) he does not require you to believe he exists, in order to do so. I could very well believe that you don't exist, but that doesn't make it truth .... Moving on! So one thing I have always thought about is this relationship between good and evil or God and Satan. If you remember in Job, Satan had to ask God the Father's permission to mess with Job, so that brings great security to the believer because old smutty had to ask our Daddy's permission, ha! However, he does ask and he gets it sometimes, well a lot of times, uh-oh! I love Job because he is viewed by some to be so righteous and holy, and it is so funny to me, perhaps because it gives me hope. In the end even Job got a rebuke from dear old Dad. I mean we are not immune based on our good behavior. I think this is a misconception of mine. I seem to think that I should be rewarded for obedience and I will just not this side of heaven. If it is this side then it can only be grace. It is all about relationship. Whatever will bring us back to God, that is the ticket, even if it is in agony with a bloody lip and bruised elbows. He will take us anyway we come. God uses Satan's evil for our good, not comfort our character. I try to convince God that I am already quite a character and not really in need of anymore problems or trials that are character building experiences. He just throws His head back and laughs a good hearty gut laugh,

then I laugh, till the tears come!

I don't want to get distracted by the circumstances that befall me. This world is run by sin and Satan is the author of that. All the sicknesses and selfishness are from that day in the garden with him and until we go home we have to deal with this stuff. I have a difficult time though remembering that God did not give us a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind as it says in Second Timothy. And although we are sojourners in a foreign land, in the midst of a battle that surrounds us, we can as the psalmist says in 56:4, " I trust in God so why should I be afraid. I guess I'm just not there yet, because when I feel a lion's breath upon my neck, my heart stops, I go pale, and in a small squeaky almost inaudible voice I say, "Daddy is that you?" He replies, "yes child, I'm here"

He causes all things to work together for the good of those who love him. Romans 8:28

God Bless!

So what's holding you back?

I was talking to my oldest daughter today and just kind of working through some stuff and asking her to be in prayer about somethings, when we got on the subject of callings and desires. We, well I talked about what options I had for my life and some things that I was mulling over. I told her of a time when I went to a Women of Faith conference in Tampa, Fl. and how I knew then that I wanted to be one of those women who shared their journey and God's love and faithfulness. We talked about the ministry that her Daddy and I were in and really just beginning when he got sick, and we talked about the book I started writing a few years ago. I told her that my dream would be to write, and speak to people about God's love and grace. I want to tell the world about my Lord and that how through all the tough times, He was there. I want to tell others that at times I was angry and hurting so deep; He would gently clean my wounds, heal me, and love me all the way through my anger into His peace. I want to share Jesus because when I am able to teach others what I have learned about Him, in the deep dark places of my life, when I can share insights from His word,...I feel alive!

Then she asked the most profound question, "So, what exactly is holding you back?"

I answered with fear. It was sad but yet eye opening at the same time. For we were not given a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.

It is something to think about, so I ask you, "What exactly is holding you back?"